2016 was a monumental year for me.
In January, after first sharing our news with family and
close friends over the holiday celebrations, Chris and I announced that in July
our family was growing. While we thought
we were going to bring a puppy into the family—a human expansion was in order. In July, Lawton joined the party.
Parenthood has been a rock pushed off the top of a very
steep hill. The days and tasks are often
overwhelming and taxing, but the months have flown by. We have a beautiful and curious, inquisitive
and kind Little Bug filling our lives with more joy than I ever thought
possible. Cliché, right?
This first year of his life has been a monumental year for
me.
When we first announced he was on the way, amid facebook likes
and comments, Instagram hearts and text messages, I actually had more than one
person private message me things like “I can’t believe you would bring a child
into the chaos of our current world,” and “It’s a tough time to raise a child.” People I don’t speak to often, people whose
echo in my chamber I often find to be too loud, too harsh and quite a bit
one-sided, but nonetheless they stung at the time and these comments have stuck
with me.
There have been so many times this past year I should have
stopped and marked our lives with reflection.
It’s all a bit cloudy now. I’m
not really sure when Lawton started rolling over or when he first scooted his
way around the living room. (Mainly his life is marked in what he has done at
NFTY regional and North American events…he cut his first two teeth at Winter
and by NFTY Convention in February he was rolling and army crawling EVERYWHERE;
Camp Jenny marked cross-dining hall walking with a walker and by Kutz in June he
was getting around on his own two feet…)
As I sat safely in our home this weekend watching our world
unfold he was all I could think about. I
thought about these comments I received when we first announced he was on the
way and the more I have thought about them, the more I find the anger bubbling
inside me. Not because of the media or
the memes, the press conferences or public figures. I AM SO ANGRY THAT EVERYONE THINKS EVERYONE
ELSE HAS TO DO MORE, EVERYONE ELSE HAS TO BE BETTER, EVERYONE ELSE HAS DONE
MORE WRONG…
Why do we continue to live in a world where personal
accountability and doing what is right has been cast aside and making the
largest sign, yelling the loudest and commenting from behind a screen how wrong
someone else is…is the way to FEEL most right...
You see, I have noticed it every day since Lawton was born,
in parenting forums, message boards and “helpful” sites about child
rearing. The general sentiment is “this
is how I do it, and that’s the best way.”
It is often shrouded in “I read in a book” or “our pediatrician said.” Often I truly believe it is not intended to
be hurtful, harmful or judgmental. I am
sure I have unintentionally made others feel like I am saying my way is the “best”
and I have not meant that.
Yet, I sit here reflecting on our unfolding world and I hear
people saying “I can’t believe you would bring a child into the chaos of our
current world,” and I think about how unbelievably important it is to have a
child, to raise this child, to be a presence in their life and introduce people,
places and things to him that will fortify his character, teach him to love and
learn, respect and stand up for what he believes.
LMD
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