On what I have learned from a one year old

I have a one year old.

This is not a shock to anyone reading this blog, I don't think...if it is, check the address you were searching for...there may be a typo.

Before we became parents, there were lots of visions of what parenting would look like.  We talked about things that were important to us (Summer Camp, duh!) and things we didn't really care about (what other people thought).  We talked about making baby food and not using store bought and having no need for a crazy amount of clothing, because as my hubby reminds me often, I said "babies don't need to wear anything other than white onesies..."

Then we had a child.

Well, here are the top 10 things I have learned since we brought our dude home...

*I share this all with the disclaimer that these are the thoughts that go through my head on the regular...and I am in no way intending to make anyone feel like the methods I am talking about are the only way to parent...It's all good friends...do what you will...this is what we have been up to.

10- Eating with one hand while feeding, holding, consoling a baby and/or cleaning up a bit around the house is a very real thing that it is impossible to learn how to do without said baby being in this world.  You can care for other children, practice with duct tape or by pulling your arm inside your shirt--short of not having a second arm (new appreciation for that reality!) it is just not a skill you can perfect prior to the arrival of a little one.  Also, doing anything with your non-dominant hand.  I have never been so thankful for muscle development on my left side.

9-- Breastfeeding involves literally palming your newborns head and shoving it to your body in hopes that you timed the shove at the same time the unassuming newborn opens their mouth wide enough to complete the connection.  The miracle of breastfeeding and the innate ability of a newborn to root and wiggle to find sustenance.  O. M. G.  I can't even pretend we experienced that reality. I had no idea what I was in for when I told my hubby that I wanted to do everything in our power to avoid supplementing.  Breastfeeding is hardest challenge I have ever faced in my life-ever! (see 8)  So, we (read "I") conceded and we started supplementing around a month later...everything seemed to fall into place.  Dad could help feed at times and nursing became a joy not a stress. Almost 14 months later our guy is stil a BF champ...and LOVES real food too!

8--Lip ties and tongue ties.  I had never heard of either of these things prior to birthing a baby.  They are the little pieces of skin in your upper lip and under your tongue that are connectors.  Actually it was 10 days after having a baby when we were not sure how much longer I could continue cluster feeding this little bottomless pit that we sought assistance in a Lactation Consultant.  While she taught us a lot and I can confidently say I don't know if we would still be nursing today had we not met her...I can't believe the natural occurance of skin on the tongue and lip impede feeding a baby to the point that we need to laser them cut at a month old. AND you have to go to one specific dentist to do it.  Seems a little scam-y to me. That didn't work for us...and when we went to the dentist for our dude's first visit around 10 months our AWESOME dentist said, yeah...he has them...it seems like he learned to adapt. (see 9) That was our story...I recognize that doesn't work for everyone.

7--Baby food is a serious scam.  I am NOT saying babies need 100% organic made from scratch in your home baby purees.  Nope.  Not saying that.  Also not saying there is any right way to start a solid food feeding journey for your kiddo.  What I am saying is that EVERYTHING (okay 80%) of the things on the baby food aisle can be found on another aisle in the grocery store with a different label.  SIDENOTE- it is also 1/2 the price without the baby branding.  Just like the pinking of America, everything for babies is sold at a premium for "comfort" and "convenience."  (yes--"baby girl" pink sippy cups are also more expensive than the identical black version marketed to boys!) If you take a look at the ingredients of a XXbabybrandXX stage 2 "meal" and a hearty beef stew soup--yo, friends...SAME THING!  That ALL being said, we took the slightly more granola route here--when our guy decided to protest purees and being fed.  Baby Led Weaning for the win, er...um...loss in our time with cleanup!

6--Traveling with a kid can be terrifying, yet it can also bring out the good in humanity.  The first time I had NO IDEA what to expect.  I was flying alone and our guy was just shy of 3 months old.  On our very first leg a woman looked at me (she must have read the fear in my face as I was looking for my seat on the plane) and she said, "If you need anything, I am a mom too."  Holy humanity, there is good in the world.  Now, countless flights and tens of states later...happy to help any new parents out there on traveling adventures!

5--Partner's don't get enough credit.  See above and below.  In reality, it doesn't matter the manner in which a child comes into a family.  In many there is a dominant parent and a secondary parent.  In a hetero-normative world it is the birthing mother that is primary and a dad takes a secondary role.  HOLD UP HERE...I would not be standing today without the strength of my partner.  I don't thank him enough.  I got (get) short with him way too quickly.  We ebb and flow.  We are still learning systems together.  Single parents--shout out to you...you are my new heroes!

4-- The clothes, gracious...the clothes.  How can his drawers be full, with a full laundry basket and a load still to be folded?!?  They are LITTLE...how the?  And FOLDING them...they are all odd shapes and arms and legs...I finally gave up on folding PJs...they just go in the top right drawer.  We missed tons of outfits there in the middle.  He seemed to skip 9 month clothes...and now we are going back to them as he gets taller and leaner.  I said "white onesies for the win" before he was born...I don't know if he has ever worn one without something over it.  Hubby, I was wrong.  Yes, hubby...I WAS WRONG.  He looks so much cuter in outfits.  As we look ahead though...I think we would do just fine with like 14 outfits that mix and match...gotta clean out those drawers!  (getting all gendered up in here again--girl mom's...I don't envy you...I'd be broke if I didn't have a boy...so many cuter girl clothes...good thing we like nautical, oh look-a sailboat <or anchor or whale or pirate or insert cute item here> outfit...we gotta have it.  Damn-I just said we don't need more than 14 outfits!)

3-- Babywearing is a strong and unspoken "you got this mom" when you are around town.  I don't wear him as much as I used to...and I miss it sometimes...but you better believe, when I see a mom out there wearing their little one and not lugging around a carrier...I think "YOU GO MOM!"  Way to be productive!  Then I see a toddler in tow and I flash to our hopeful future and I wonder...choice or necessity...hmmm...either way...

2--  The ability to sit and be pushed in a shopping cart is a SERIOUS gamechanger!  Sure there are times I have been tired enough to want to be pushed...that's not what I mean--being able to push the BABY in a shopping cart sitting upright completely changed errands.  We can run into a store real quick and grab something without making sure we have a carrier with us...amen!  We also hit the jackpot, our kid sleeps EVERYWHERE our kid has even fallen asleep in a Publix shopping cart with his head on the handlebar.  It is times like these, and when he is teething on the metal, that I think...didn't we register for one of those cover things...then I think about whether it would be in my hubby's car or mine...and think...eh, immunity building.  Either way, I have also learned about how importnat buckling the strap is (on restuarant high chairs too!) and Publix (where shopping is a pleasure) has introduced a double lock clip...that I, for the life of me, forget how to unclip EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.  Thanks for the safety and security.

1--  I need some KonMari up in my life.  I look at his playroom, er, um, our LIVING ROOM, and I think...SO. MANY. TOYS.  The cabinets, the clothes, the lovies, the stuffed animals...how can I streamline his stuff...my stuff (Lord knows I am not wearing pre-baby clothes...ugh!) our stuff...and then I think... "What brings me JOY?"  True, unfliterd joy...and right now, it is watching him play with his "Dah!" (duck) or his "DAH!" (truck) and putting him in the mismatched "aaahhhAH" (shoes) he carried over.  It is watching his head spin around when we say his name.  It is toys being put back in buckets when we say it is time to clean up.  It's the Friday night Frat Boy walk that asserts independance yet is still slightly unsteady (like a coed after a night out) especially when he is wearing seersucker shorts and a polo onesie...That's my current favorite outfit, I know...not a white onesie.  It's the way he runs to us when he sees us after a long day at work or school.  Right now, I will take the chaos and countless loads of laundry in exchange for this different type of joy.

I have learned so much more this year than I ever could have imagined.  I am still learning.  I want to reflect more about this journey.  I will say it again, nothing in this list is intended to offend anyone...just the way my brain processes all of these silly little parenting things.  I hope you all read them as such--Parent friends I SUPPORT YOU ON YOUR PARENTING JOURNEY AS WELL...I hope this might make you laugh a bit...if you are anything like me, you could be reading this while nursing a baby to nap or to bed...that's when I get my best catch-up reading done.

With that...

LMD

on parenting and positivity

2016 was a monumental year for me.

In January, after first sharing our news with family and close friends over the holiday celebrations, Chris and I announced that in July our family was growing.  While we thought we were going to bring a puppy into the family—a human expansion was in order.  In July, Lawton joined the party. 

Parenthood has been a rock pushed off the top of a very steep hill.  The days and tasks are often overwhelming and taxing, but the months have flown by.  We have a beautiful and curious, inquisitive and kind Little Bug filling our lives with more joy than I ever thought possible. Cliché, right?

This first year of his life has been a monumental year for me.

When we first announced he was on the way, amid facebook likes and comments, Instagram hearts and text messages, I actually had more than one person private message me things like “I can’t believe you would bring a child into the chaos of our current world,” and “It’s a tough time to raise a child.”  People I don’t speak to often, people whose echo in my chamber I often find to be too loud, too harsh and quite a bit one-sided, but nonetheless they stung at the time and these comments have stuck with me.

There have been so many times this past year I should have stopped and marked our lives with reflection.  It’s all a bit cloudy now.  I’m not really sure when Lawton started rolling over or when he first scooted his way around the living room. (Mainly his life is marked in what he has done at NFTY regional and North American events…he cut his first two teeth at Winter and by NFTY Convention in February he was rolling and army crawling EVERYWHERE; Camp Jenny marked cross-dining hall walking with a walker and by Kutz in June he was getting around on his own two feet…)

As I sat safely in our home this weekend watching our world unfold he was all I could think about.  I thought about these comments I received when we first announced he was on the way and the more I have thought about them, the more I find the anger bubbling inside me.  Not because of the media or the memes, the press conferences or public figures.  I AM SO ANGRY THAT EVERYONE THINKS EVERYONE ELSE HAS TO DO MORE, EVERYONE ELSE HAS TO BE BETTER, EVERYONE ELSE HAS DONE MORE WRONG…

Why do we continue to live in a world where personal accountability and doing what is right has been cast aside and making the largest sign, yelling the loudest and commenting from behind a screen how wrong someone else is…is the way to FEEL most right...

You see, I have noticed it every day since Lawton was born, in parenting forums, message boards and “helpful” sites about child rearing.  The general sentiment is “this is how I do it, and that’s the best way.”  It is often shrouded in “I read in a book” or “our pediatrician said.”  Often I truly believe it is not intended to be hurtful, harmful or judgmental.  I am sure I have unintentionally made others feel like I am saying my way is the “best” and I have not meant that. 

Yet, I sit here reflecting on our unfolding world and I hear people saying “I can’t believe you would bring a child into the chaos of our current world,” and I think about how unbelievably important it is to have a child, to raise this child, to be a presence in their life and introduce people, places and things to him that will fortify his character, teach him to love and learn, respect and stand up for what he believes.

LMD